...and so we all disappear into the abyss that is the long halloween weekend. i'll be sea/sand-deep in work in boracay, and i'm quite nervous about this initiation.

whether you choose to:
a) visit the cemetery
b) party in costume
c) be bukid-bound
d) be stuck at home,

know that i hope to see you all soon again.

thanks skippy! hard to be cerebral with all these stupid hormonal urges. hahahaha....

because i know you guys don't judge

i like it in his arms. i like being held, being warmed, my little hands in his mitts. i like getting kissed on the cheek, and i like his fingers crawling on my knee to tease my ticklish skin. he keeps on telling me i taste and smell like chocolate, and i like that it drives him mad when he tries to remember it in my absence. it seems cruel, to want to be wanted, and then keep away. the truth is, i can hardly contain myself anymore. i want to taste the bailey's off of his lips, as if we were the stars of the television commercial. (note: baileys was our drink of choice when we were at big sky mind last friday) and to straddle him like his story reads, to know if he can run his tongue along the walls of my mouth the way his character did. and to still be in his arms, naked and warm and vulnerable. i can almost feel how much better it would be, closer and sweeter than it is now.

do i just miss physical intimacy? i've only known him for a little over a month. but it's his sweetness and our crazy similarities that tempt me so. is that better than being drawn in by his looks?

this is what he said is dangerous... remnants of what we had with other people. my rockstar has a girflfriend already.

trust me to find out after checking his friendster upon seeing a new thumbnail for his default photo, 2 days after asking him for a legend's booking details for work. her name is... not ladylike (-). she's not as young as i am (+), not as pretty (-), not as short probably (+), probably as sappy (+). she has 2 kids (-) and seems like his old friend (+), lives abroad (-). what is it with single moms abroad? they sound like they're going to get married. kills me to think that maybe i should have made him a legitimate involvement. at the time, i didn't feel like he was hinting at giving us a real shot, but on hindsight... who'd stick around that long if all he wanted was something physical? more than one guy told me that already.

so should this push me or hold me back? i'm still tempted to give more than penguin hugs.

updates!

hey everyone! its been a long time. actually im not yet done with my sem. hopefully, after this week, i'll be free. wala lang. baka kasi di niyo na ko marecognize e. im posting my latest pic. call me narcissistic. or better yet, call me aistar.

huh?

me outside my groupmate's house. chilling in between research paper-makin'.
cool ei?



still me! young and energetic!

see you soon doggies!

pacing lang yan?

hey how's everyone? i understand that no one really has time to update their blogs but i do hope you have time to read my rants.

i'm quite nervous about a lot of things. work, first and foremost. i don't have much to do in the morning, and i get nervous about getting too busy in the afternoon, leaving things behind when it's evening, and having things catch up on me when events have to be set. communicating doesn't seem to be a popular activity in the office, and it's either i'm the go-between, or they don't really let me know anything until the last minute. case in point: it's already tuesday, and i don't know if i'm going to bacolod this weekend, and what the plans are, what my duties are, if ever. i'm nervous that being out during the weekends will drain me and make me inefficient during weekdays when there is still so much to do for other activities and projects. even if it's quite an experience to go to seven different cities, i'm quite reluctant to put aside my personal life for one whole month. because things that have potential to flourish, and old ones that need to be maintained will be neglected. like you...the poet...my acting stint...my co-star...my holy girls.

i'm nervous about the poet, and how things fly by fast. he takes up a lot of my free time, texting, talking, taking me out. i'm nervous about exposing myself emotionally at this rate. and he's doing the same too. i have misgivings, but like he said, it's like we hit the lotto with the synchronicity of our world and personalities. is that something i can allow to pass by?

and then there's my holy girl may, this film i'm starring in, and my breathtaking co-star. ayokong mabitin yung director dahil wala ako palagi to shoot. ayokong sobrang tagal na hindi ako makikita ng co-star ko. kasi nagagandahan at nababaitan daw siya sa akin sabi ni may, pero torpe siya - and it was obvious.

so i'm trying to slow it down with the poet, speed things up with my co-star, catch up with you guys, and keep up with work. clearly i have pace issues.

i feel like i'm playing with fire and i'm quite nervous.

soon!

i have to see you guys soon! i miss everyone! i hope you are all doing well with last-minute requirements for this semester, and i anticipate the induction of isbel, baby, and please, oh please, mark and leo into the working class!!

oh, my friends, i have told my best friend rica and also sir reev about emman* (not his real name) and you have to hear about him too. maybe see him as well. of all my friends, i have this feeling that you guys are the most discriminating even if you're the most fun and seemingly harmless. (hello, how many boyfriends and girlfriends have we kicked out, huh?!) my defenses are being challenged straight away, and i want you all to know that, um, i'm not doing very well keeping them up. eeps.. sorry leo and ais, i knew you told me.

anyway, i really, really want to see you all soon! let's do our best concentrating, and may god smile down upon us all!